Suffice it to say that I've had some very nice moments --like bringing in a Langston Hughes poem for 9th grade and translating it with them-- as well as breaking down and crying after a rough class, and wanting to many more times than that (though this is seemingly obligatory for first-year teachers, wherever they are).
But, at least one interesting thought: After reflecting a lot on the classroom management difficulties I've been having (and getting lots of good advice from many people-- thanks mom!), I've sort of realized that I can't really blame the kids.
I mean, as kids it's their job to give me a hard time (and especially as kids that have gone through all sorts of terrible stuff). They're busy testing the world, and (ideally) learning from the results. I'd imagine adults do the testing-boundaries thing too, though maybe in different ways.
And its my job to be clear on the rules and boundaries to help give them a good response to their probing. So far, I wasn't as clear on the rules and discipline stuff as I should have been, and then when they pushed me I'd get stressed out --and consequently, angry-- because I had no idea what to do. But if I'm clear with myself on the rules, and then make them clear to them, ideally I shouldn't have any reason to get stressed.
An example: Yesterday, I left my house while eating a banana, and ran into three kids from the ranch outside. One of them asked me to give him the half a banana I had left ('regálamelo', or 'gift that to me', is a common phrase here), and of course I said 'No way, this is my breakfast'. 'Plus,' I added, 'you already had breakfast'. 'No,' one of them responded, 'we're not from the ranch, we're poor and from La Venta' (a nearby town). 'Oh, I know you live here. You're in Hogar San Fernando!'. 'No, that's not us, we live in Hogar El Puente, under this bridge' (we were passing a teeny little bridge). At that point they pretended to go down under the bridge, and I kept walking.
The thing is, I feel like that encounter was more funny then anything else (plus it shows that these kids can be creative when they want something). I knew that I wanted to eat my banana and that there was no reason I should give it to them, and because it didn't make me uncomfortable I was able to play around with them, and leave the experience smiling.
I know it will be a lot harder in school, but I'd like to --eventually, at least-- be able to feel that way with my students. This week is exam week, and then next Monday the 4th quarter starts, so I'm excited to start fresh (well, I feel that way right now, at least...I'll probably feel differently next Monday).
Unrelatedly, we hiked to a pretty waterfall today about a half hour up behind the ranch, and got to go swimming in it too.
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